Ecclesiastes 8:15

Ecclesiastes 8:15 - "So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun." 

I want to start this entry by explaining my picture. I couldn't find a good enough "pre-made" picture of the verse, so I made my own. I don't know if there is any other picture in the world that truly encompasses eating and drinking and enjoying life in a better way than this one. This was taken on a mini-vacation with my darling husband to Corpus Christie, TX to visit the original (and two story) Whataburger - one of my favorite restaurants. My cup is filled with Dr Pepper; I'm about to indulge in a Number One with cheese, no onions and extra pickles. Life doesn't get much more enjoyable than this!! 

I think this is a perfect verse to finish this semester with. I've been rather stressed about graduation, getting paperwork in, and taking my licensing tests. As I've stated before, I have yet to truly enjoy what's going on. This verse reminds me to slow down. It's like the author of Ecclesiastes is writing directly to me. He's seen me rushing through life, looking for the next goal to reach, and he wanted to let me know it's ok to chill and have a good time.

So, I plan on taking this to heart. I'm going to take the time to have fun for the next couple months, rather than fretting about that silly license coming in. I now have time to schedule best friend dinners, dates with my husband, lunch with my parents. I can focus on fostering those special relationships that keep me going when times get rough, when work starts up again and gets exhausting. 

I found myself just last night looking over my calendar for February worrying about rescheduling clients and taking too much time off for my trip to Disney/Universal. I almost felt guilty for going. Then, I read this verse. Who's to say I will even be back to work by then? And, if I am, why should I put off my own happiness in attempts to help others with theirs? (Self care, Sarah! Self. Care.) I have been looking forward to this trip since July! This verse reminds me that it's ok to look forward to vacation. It's ok to take time to recharge and re-energize myself. (It's ok to be excited about wearing cheesy matching shirts with my husband!) 

The more I think about it, this verse could serve as part of a great foundation for when I do start working again. I cannot be the best me, the best counselor, if I forget to take the time to have fun and do things that bring me joy. It is easy to get burned out in this field. I cannot be authentic and helpful if I'm telling clients to find joy in their every day life if I am forgetting to do it myself. Life can be difficult, as the verse says, but taking time to do enjoyable things can make it worth while. 

Thanks, God, for reminding me to have fun. 

 

Ecclesiastes 7:14

Ecclesiastes 7:14 - "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future." 

Often, I find myself forgetting to enjoy the good things going on around me because I'm so worried about what is going to happen next. I haven't even taken the chance to recognize that I'm graduating with my Master's in THREE WEEKS, because I'm so worried about what's going to happen after graduation.

This verse reminds me to slow down. I deserve to enjoy this moment in my life. God led me here and wants me to bask in my accomplishments. I've learned it's much easier to be thankful and have a heart of worship when things are going well. It's like practicing for softball back in high school. We only played one day a week, but we practiced at least 4-5 days a week. Practice makes things more comfortable and natural for when it's time to preform. Learning to be happy during the good times will only make it easier to learn how to do so when times are rough. 

When those times come, it's important to remember God has allowed for all seasons to come my way. I think it's okay to feel upset and question what's going on, as long as I am still focused on God and what He's trying to teach me. I think He gives us good and bad times to help increase our understanding that God is God in every season. He is always faithful, always available, and always listening to us. 

It is imperative I stay focused on Him, rather than my surroundings. My emotions and circumstances are fleeting. Focusing on them would only increase my anxiety, stress, exhaustion, etc. I have no control on what comes next. Only He knows what's coming next for me. 

My goal for these next couple weeks is this: Rejoice for the blessings around me. Enjoy my accomplishments and upcoming opportunities. Stay focused on His plan, rather than my own.
And, when the time comes and I feel like my situation has shifted, I will continue to thank Him that my journey isn't even close to being over. 

Thanks, God, for all the good and all the bad. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

 Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

These verses are so full of life; I'm almost overwhelmed. If feel like the best way to write about them is to take them at face value and pray something significant comes out.

"Two are better than one." (*insert praise hands emoji*) I love having a partner to count on every day. We've gotten into this great habit where I cook dinner and he's learn how to properly do the dishes so I can relax afterwards. We've also learned that he takes the dog out first thing in the morning and for the last time at night, and I take care of Gandalf during the day. If I have to work later, he starts dinner for us. He checks the mail; I make sure the house gets vacuumed once a month. Both of us, together, contribute to making our house run smoothly. I couldn't do it without him. 

"If either of them falls down, once can help the other up." In attempts to be transparent, Stephen and I have had some difficult times lately. This CPA crap has had us both stressed to the max. We finally had a pretty intense discussion where I looked at him and just said, 'Let me help you. That's why I'm here!' Since then, we have been working on helping each other. He called me from work saying he was struggling and we developed a game plan together to help calm him down. We've started asking each other how we can help more often and it seems to be working. This has been a good week for us; it feels like we're finally getting out of this valley. 

"If two lie down together, they will keep warm." Yep. I've learned to sleep with one leg outside of the covers. Maybe its just our bedroom, maybe my husband is a human heater. Either way, we keep warm. 

"Two can defend themselves." My favorite part about having a life partner is having someone who can take the reins when I can't handle them. He is really great at talking rationally to others. However, when that doesn't work, I'm really good at making people understand that The Henry's mean business! We are like a tag team wrestling duo. We defend ourselves against work trials, family struggles, and ridiculous apartment managers who don't give us our packages in a timely manner. I have no doubt I've picked someone that will forever stand in my corner and defend my honor no matter the situation. I hope he knows I will always fight for him and for our marriage. We're unstoppable. 

"A cord of three strands is not easily broken." My engagement ring has a beautiful twisted band. To me, it symbolizes Stephen and I coming together and becoming a team. My wedding band is pretty fantastic as well. It's a simple band, but it says so much more. While my engagement ring can totally hold it's own, it's not enough. In order to be complete, it needs the wedding band.
Stephen and I are enough for each other. We love each other and are willing to stick by each other through thick and thin. We're (ok, mostly Stephen is) pretty rational about seasons of plenty and seasons of want and we've done the best we can to prepare for whatever. But, that's not really enough. We wouldn't be able to handle much without God's guidance and grace. We are not complete without him, our wedding band. He is our rock, our foundation, our lighthouse. All of the confidence in the above paragraphs come from having God as our backbone. He helps us stay focused on each other. He will carry us through the ups and downs and everything in between to the day we celebrate our 60th 70th wedding anniversary surrounded by a plethora of family. It's gonna be a great ride! 

Thanks, God, for sticking with us and making our marriage stronger than ever for years to come.  

Ecclesiastes 3:22

Ecclesiastes 3:22 - "So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot." 

So many people get caught doing a job they don't enjoy because it pays the bills. There is nothing wrong with that; providing for your family is a huge responsibility that I admire. But me, I was not built to do a job that simply provides income.

Honestly, my best friend has inspired me to pursue my dreams. She got her degree in painting from Texas State and has fervently pursued a career as an artist. She has developed her skills over time and I am blown away at how talented she is. She is not deterred by the difficulty of becoming an artist. She is not swayed by the masses that say she should seek out a  more 'practical' job. She is simply doing what she loves and is doing it well. 

I have always wanted to help people. My first couple jobs were in public service - retail and waiting tables. Both were great learning experiences; I learned that's not what I meant when I said I wanted to help people. I wanted to be an instrument of God, healing wounded hearts. Counseling seems unnecessary and like a waste of money to some people. To others, it's a life changing decision, a step towards a healthier and happier life. I don't care what people say, especially those who 'don't believe in counseling.' I know this is my passion and I plan to continue to pursue it with the same intensity my best friend has shown me with her painting.

And that's why I love what I do. For the times when a client looks at me and tells me that I have helped them. For the times when a client finally realizes they are more than their past, their failures, or what others have said they are. For the times when a client brings me a gift they've made specifically for me to say thank you. For the laughter and the tears, the new beginnings, and even the times when one of them calls me out for my roots showing again. I truly love my job! 

I may not always see the fruits of my labor, which can be difficult at times. Reading this verse for the first time helps ease the pain from the hard days. There is nothing more that I can do other than enjoy my work. I think as long as I do that, I will hear those coveted words from God at the end of my journey - "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

Thanks, God, for leading me towards a career I love.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." 

New seasons make me nervous, which is probably half the reason I'm so thankful to live in Texas where I can bask in my favorite season for the majority of the year. 

  

This chapter is encouraging, especially coming up on a new season of life. In three weeks, I'll graduate. I will no longer define myself as a student, but more as a professional adult. Some days, I'm ready. Today, I'm not. 

I'm comfortable being a student. As a student, I can tell people "I'm still learning" when I make a mistake. I can claim to be overwhelmed by homework in attempts to put off other important tasks, even when I'm just being lazy. I can be that girl that does it all by going to school and having a job while still finding time to cook dinner and do laundry. Verse 3 tells me there's "a time to tear down and a time to build." It's time to tear down that safety net of being a student and begin building up my confidence and identity as an adult. Someone who works just as hard as that student did, but is willing to take more responsibility for mistakes and laziness. Someone willing to be more intentional with relationship building. 

Verse 4 continues on to say there is "a time to weep and a time to laugh." I think I'm in my time to weep. I'm a little more emotional than expected to be graduating soon. I'm scared of being an adult. I'm scared of being so close to everything I've worked towards and someone saying I'm not good enough. I'm sure this season will last longer than I would like it to, but I am excited in knowing my next season will bring laughter. I can look back and chuckle at the scared little counselor I used to be as I confidently tackle more difficult clients. I can laugh at that time I was worried about money as I look around and realize God has always taken care of me despite what my bank account says. 

I keep reading over all the other seasons trying to place myself in one or the other. I don't think that's the point of this chapter. I think God wants me to know it's ok to be hesitant about entering into a new season, but to not avoid moving forward in life. He has always been faithful in walking me through the tough patches of life and my graduation will be no different. This chapter serves as both a warning and a celebration. Life ebbs and flows, and only by the grace of God will I be able to conquer whatever season I am in. 

Thanks, God, for new seasons - even if they are scary.

 

Proverbs 31:10

Proverbs 31:10 - "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." 

I've highlighted verse 10 specifically because my husband left a note on that one saying: "You are my wife of noble character. I will lead you, but please support me in all our trials."  

It feels good to know that he believes me to be of noble character. When I think of those words together, I imagine people like Esther or Ruth... even Abraham Lincoln. I do not consider myself to be eligible to be in the same category as any of the above at first glance, but as I'm writing I'm brought back to the beginning of my dating relationship with Stephen.

Before we started dating, I told Stephen he needed to prove to me that he was a man of God. I told him I wanted to find my husband in my next boyfriend and if he couldn't show me he was able to lead me, we wouldn't be dating. I mostly told him that because I was scared of how handsome he was and half hoped he wouldn't rise to the challenge. But he didn't run away; he simply ran way past any of my expectations of what a husband should be! 

Even today, he reminds me about how I helped him turn his life around and bring him back to God. I don't say that to pat myself on the back. I say that as a reminder for myself that although I am blind to my noble characteristics, he is not. He sees them and nourishes them. I've always had strong convictions about things, even if some of my intentions are hidden by fear. Stephen can see past my fear and pushes me to continue to seek God's will for my life and stand firm in what I believe. (*insert verse 11 - "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.")

Verse 12 says, "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." It feels like Stephen was speaking to this verse when he left me that note in my Bible. Like he knew our marriage would have some difficult days and just as I asked him to lead me years ago, he's asking me to follow for years to come. It's amazing how beautifully God can bring things together like that. 

As far as the the rest of Proverbs 31 goes...
I don't bring in "food from afar" (v.14), but sometimes I do go to HEB by myself.
I do "set about my work vigorously" and if you tried picking up my work/school bag, you'd see that my "arms are strong for my tasks" (v.17).
I don't make "coverings for our bed" (v.22), but I do try to at least arrange the comforter to look semi-made in the mornings. 
I don't make "linen garmets" (v.24), but I'm really good at taking my husband's work clothes to the dry cleaner when needed, i.e. "supplying the merchants with sashes."

I hope to be "clothed with strength and dignity" (v.25) one day.
I also hope that one day my beautiful children will "rise up and call me blessed" (v.28). My husband is already a champ as praising me. 
I hope to leave a legacy as a "woman who fears the Lord" (v.30).

Maybe the key here isn't that Proverbs isn't a standard that is meant for me to reach and be done, but it serves as a character development model to be pursued throughout a life time. 

Thanks, God, for a molding me into a strong, Proverbs 31 wife.

Proverbs 27:19

Proverbs 27:19 - "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." 

As I read back over this verse, I flashback to a scene in Zoolander. If I remember correctly, Zoolander just lost a runway contest to Hansel (he's so hot right now!) and he's looking into a puddle of water on the street. He sees himself and asks "Who am I?" 

I feel like I ask myself that question quite a bit. This verse reframed it quite beautifully for me. Because honestly, I can rattle off a pretty extensive list about who I am. I am a wife, a daughter, a student, a hard worker, an awesome aunt, (almost) a graduate, caring, a good listener, dramatic, a story teller, a Texan, a Cinderella fanatic, a coffee drinker... etc etc.

But this verse goes deeper than that. It causes me to answer these questions: What does my heart's reflection look like? What am I doing with my daily life to accurately portray the condition of my heart? Unlike the above list, this one is a little harder to create. 

I'd like to think I'm reflecting the love of Christ through my work. I'd hope my clients can see that I truly care about their well being and I am proud of the work some of them are doing. I'd hope they can see compassion and grace and encouragement through our time together. 

Most days, I'd say I reflect that I am a giving person. I may not have monetary things to give, but I do my best to give time to those in need. I love being able to have dinner with a friend to catch up or vent about life. I love cooking dinner for my husband (sometimes) and binge watching Netflix with him (we've started The Walking Dead!!) without our cell phones around. 

Sometimes, I reflect a selfish and impatient person. I reflect an anxiety ridden, emotional wreck. I'm human and I have bad days. It's hard to keep my flesh in check. I can get frustrated easily and I can forget to mimic Jesus through my words and actions. (His mercies are new every morning. Thankfully!) 

Proverbs 27:19 reminds me that as often as I check my reflection in a day, I need to learn how to check my heart's reflection. Through practice, I think it can be as effortless and satisfying as walking by a full length mirror on a good hair day. 

Thanks, God, for teaching me how to check my heart and become more like You.

Proverbs 27:17

Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." (NIV)

It's amazing to me how unavoidably true so many of these proverbs are, how easily they stand the test of time. This particular verse is one of those "oldies but goodies." 

I'm pretty sure my mom recited this one to me over and over during high school and college... which means I tried to ignore it.

In high school, I hung around some of the "cool" kids on my softball team. They were popular, I wasn't, and I just wanted to be liked if I had to hang out in that school 5 days a week. Hanging out with them made me feel like it was okay to lie, okay to not turn in homework, okay to be rude to my parents. It was okay to be everything I wasn't because at least I had friends. IRON SHARPENS IRON. 

In college,  I found my first set of friends through the BSM. They were a constant encouragement in my life. With them, I grew closer to God and longed to serve others in hopes they too would begin a new journey with Christ. We went on mission trips, hosted steak nights and pancake nights, offered free lunch on Wednesdays. It was rockin! IRON SHARPENS IRON. 

However: I decided to leave the BSM my last year of college. I found some new people to hang out with, very opposite from the BSM friends. Let's just say, despite being a rather shallow deep end, I jumped off it. Church was no longer important, but getting to the square after my double on Saturday definitely was! I blew off my true friends for some faux ones, and I didn't really care (Good move, Sarah...). IRON SHARPENS IRON.

I say all that to say this: the verse stood true no matter the types of people I surrounded myself with. Even better, the iron (friends) that sharpened me in the positive way stayed by me, waited for me to come back, and helped remold me into the person I want to be. 

I feel like this verse can be a reminder to me that I will be sharpened by the people I choose to hang out with, whether I realize it or not. It's up to me to be diligent enough to pick the right people. 

Thanks, God, for true friends who point me towards you.

Proverbs 18:22

Proverbs 18:22 - "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord." (NLT)

I'm struggling here about what to write. Part of me wants to brag that my husband totally found a treasure in me and tell him he is welcome for bringing on tons of good things from God. The other part wants to admit that I probably haven't been the "treasure" I was meant to be lately. 

I guess if I'm being transparent, I'm leaning more towards not being that treasure my darling deserves. We've both been stressed to the max lately. He's currently studying for the CPA exams (which makes me more than proud of him) while balancing  40+ hours at work, a reallllly crummy commute to and from work (shout out to Houston rush hour, 610, and 290!), and an emotional mess of a wife. Honestly, if this psalmist were to look into our life before writing verse 18, they probably would have switched roles and said that I, the wife, has found a treasure in my man. 

So, how do I become that treasure for him? 

The first thing God popped into my mind is stop comparing. Lately, I've fallen into comparing different aspects of our life to each other, and in every scenario, Stephen comes out on top. I end up feeling pity for myself and animosity for my husband for no particular reason. The thing is: Stephen and I are a team now. Our marriage is not the place for me to compare my stressors, my mistakes, and my shortcomings to his. It's definitely not the place for jealousy, disdain, or contempt - especially when he has done nothing to deserve that. We are called to love and support each other, no matter how our day (or week or month) has been going. I've got to be more proactive in loving my husband correctly.
 

I also feel like I need to actively begin to help my husband out. Yes, I do his laundry and cook dinner often (maybe I am a treasure after all!), but I'm not sure when the last time was that I truly helped him out. As many times as I have stressed for him to "listen to my feelings" and "try to see it from my perspective," it's time that I start doing the same for him. It's time to stop seeing him overwhelmed and thinking, "it's about dang time you see what I'm feeling!" I need to learn how to ask him how I can help. He deserves to be catered to on the hard days just as much as I do, if not more. 

Despite me not feeling like a treasure, my darling does a pretty good job and reminding me that he thinks I am. He truly is a blessing, even in the rough patches. 

Thanks, God, for a godly husband and your favor on our family.

Proverbs 16:24

Proverbs 16:23 - "Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." 

Compliments are always wonderful. They're even sweeter when they're unexpected or come at a time when I'm feeling especially downtrodden.

Lately, I've been feeling exhausted. Blame it on the middle of the semester blues, blame it on a busy work schedule, blame it on a looming graduation, whatever. I'm struggling to get through the week by Wednesday and often the weekend isn't nearly long enough to recharge me. But, you know what helps me push through? People telling me they've noticed I'm working hard. People mentioning I my outfit is killer or my jokes are hilarious. (Mostly because they often are!) I don't need grand gestures, I just need encouragement.

Crazy coincidence: As I was reading this morning, a sheriff came into my office. He was talking to my boss and casually mentioned how great he thought her business was and how important her job was to the hurting people in our community. She also thanked him for his service and let him know he was appreciated by us as well. After he left, she simply said, "I really needed that today." I don't know what's going on in her life. Here's what I do know. I missed the opportunity to be that encouragement to my boss because I was so wrapped up in my own worries. I was longing for someone to give me kind words, that I completely overlooked giving someone else some honey. Shame.

It feels like our culture has become so self-centered and self-serving that we have forgotten that other people are hurting. Others are struggling. In the same way we long for a compliment, others do too. It's so easy to make someone's day:

• Flash a smile.
• Say thank you.
• Tell someone you appreciate their hard work.
• Compliment someone's hair or clothes or bag (or whatever you notice but often forget to mention).
• Pay for someone's coffee in line behind you.
• Say I love you.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Give a wave when someone lets you in their lane during rush hour.
• ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

Even the smallest gestures can warm a heart and heal the soul.

My goal is to keep this verse at the forefront of my mind and stop being so selfish with my compliments. I'm not the only one who has bad days; we're all in this together.

Thanks, God, for kind words and a open hearts to receive them.

Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 13:24 - "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." (NIV)

I feel like I need to preface this blog with a few things: 

1.  On our wedding day, my husband gave me a new Bible (with my new name on the front!). Throughout the Bible, there were pictures of us with cute stories. He also went through and highlighted quite a few verses and added notes in the margin. As I was reading through Proverbs this morning, this was one of the verses he highlighted. His note said, "Future notes. Not now!" I thought it was pretty precious. 
2.  This is by no means a parenting blog about raising the kids I don't have.

When I was growing up, my mom definitely took the time to discipline me. Most of the time, she only had to give me the look and I'd crumble, but there were times when a spanking was necessary. My brother... well, a spanking was probably always necessary. And, thanks to the both of us constantly reeking havoc, Mom's disciplinary sidekick was a 3ft long paint stick from Home Depot that said "I need thee every hour." (Good one, Mom!) 

Mom never spanked us in malice, which is why I believe her method of discipline worked for me. It was always clear that I had done something wrong and deserved said consequence. Luckily, I'm a pretty quick learner, which translates into me not having to be spanked for the same thing more than once. (Usually.) I learned that "every action has a reaction" held true in more situations than what science class presented. 
I learned that if I chose to do something, I also chose to handle the consequences when they came. 
I learned to take responsibility for myself and my choices. At the time, disciplined sucked, but in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed to become a healthy, functional adult today. (Thanks, Mom.)

I don't want kids now for a number of reasons. (The main one being that I'm selfish and I'm not ready to share my husband! Sorry, not sorry.) However, when the time is right for us, I'm proud to know my husband has already chosen to lead our family in God's will. I'm excited to raise our precious kids in a household that follows the Bible and will appropriately discipline when needed. I'm excited to teach them how to live, laugh, love, and most importantly take responsibility for themselves. It'll be one of the most rewarding times of my life. Eventually. 

Until then, I'll be thankful I was raised with discipline and tons of love.

Thanks, God, for a mom who never lost sight of you when raising two crazy kids. And, thanks in advance for helping me do the same.

 

Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it." 

This is my ultimate favorite verse!
Warning: this post might be a little wordy and sobby, but I'll do my best to contain myself. 

I found this verse for the first time during my break up. I'll say this, I brought this growing pain upon myself. I initiated the break up knowing the relationship was heading in a direction I wasn't happy with. The break up was very hard and once it happened, I was completely lost - spiritually, mentally, emotionally. For six and a half years, my life was based on spending my future with someone and becoming who they wanted me to be. I lost sight of why I was going to school, what my dreams were, and who I was as a person - apart from so-and-so's girlfriend. Once that person was ripped away, it felt like half of who I was was also torn apart.

Things got pretty bad for me. I didn't go to class for half of my semester. Ultimately, I was kicked out of the honor's college and I wasn't the only one to hit rock bottom - my GPA did too. I neglected seeing any of my friends and I became this depressed recluse of a person. Most days, it was a struggle to even shower, but I did not neglect to literally cry out to God for the pain I was experiencing. 

I sought all sorts of answers from Him - Was this the right choice? (Yes.) Why does it hurt so much? (Growing hurts.) What do I do now? (Seek His face.) How do I put myself back together? (With His help.) Would anyone ever love me unconditionally? (He does.) Did I even deserve to have that kind of love? (Yes. A thousand times, yes!)

This is where Proverbs 4:23 came swooping in to save the day.
If I had guarded my heart in the first place, I wouldn't have lost my identity just because I lost my boyfriend. Now that I am actively doing so, I know who I am. I am a child of God; a strong, opinionated woman; someone with ambition and drive to accomplish great things.
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized I am worth more than what some boy thinks of me. I am worth more than nasty rumors from nasty so-called friends. When I started doing so, I was able to go to class and bring my grades back up. God began teaching me what a friend was, which was more than someone who wanted my latest relationship gossip. I was able to begin to confidently blossom into who I am now. (You're welcome, world.)
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized sooner that breaking up with that boy was my first step towards actively seeking God's will and actually guarding my heart. 

Now, I constantly remind myself of this verse. I question my intentions often. Am I doing this for me? For someone else? Or, am I doing this for God? If the answer is anything other than for God, I am neglecting to guard my heart. I am letting my flesh lead the way, which ultimately ends in disaster (see beginning of post when I lost my identity). This verse allows me to love deeply, speak boldly, and grow intentionally.

Thanks, God, for helping me find my identity in you rather than the fleeting affections of others.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." 

This passage has always been close to my heart. I remember my mom repeating this to me throughout my school-age years. We even had it printed over a few of my senior pictures. What a necessary accessory to my trendy lavender sweater, pearls, and Sperry's, am I right? (Could I BE anymore marriage material??)

The thing is, that verse it more than just an perfect addition to an already fabulous picture. It has been a guiding light throughout my life. 

In high school, it lead me towards picking a college that was for me, rather than following a boy somewhere I didn't want to be. 

In college, it lead me to accepting an invitation to the BSM one Thursday night (Thanks, Matt). That eventually led me to meeting some of the most wonderful friends I could've ever asked for! They filled my time at Texas State with so much joy, so many adventures, and the most precious memories. The people I met there continue to fill my life with the love of God despite most of us being in many different cities.

Also, in college, trusting in the Lord lead me to my husband. If I had followed my own understandings, I would still be trapped in "he-who-must-not-be-named's" snare. Thankfully, God's ways are higher than mine and both myself and "you-know-who" are happily married to the one God had planned for us to be. (Thanks, God, for directing THAT path!) 

After college, it lead me towards the right grad school. It kept me from being too discouraged to try again after an awful interview at one school. With the right guidance, I ended up at HGST and, once again, met some of the best friends! The staff and student body are like a family. We care for each other, celebrate with each other, and carry each other through the rough patches of each semester. My grad school experience has been phenomenal. I've learned so much about my career and myself. I feel fully prepared to take on the world after graduation. At least, today I do... but that could be because I don't have any clients today AND it's technically my Friday.

Now, this verse is a key factor in what I do next. I don't know where I'm supposed to be. Where do I work? Do I stay where I'm at? Where will I get paid the most? None of that matters if I lose focus of what God wants from me. I choose to lean on Him once again as I transition into another chapter of life. He's done pretty well directing my path so far, so why try to take the reigns now? I know He has great things planned.

Thanks, God, for guiding me through life.

Psalm 121:1-2

Psalm 121: 1-2 - "I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

I feel like when this particular psalm was written, the author intended it for something much more intense than just being tired or burnt out. The really cool thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Maybe the author of this chapter was going through something intense and literally needed to look up to the mountains in need of God. But me, I'm just juggling work, school, my marriage, my pup, and my social life.
 

So, guess how I'm feeling today? Yes, very tired and very burnt out. Monday and Tuesday are physically draining. I would go into all the reasons why, but I'd rather not focus the negativity today. (Look at that, I'm choosing joy once again! Thanks, past blog posts, for teaching me something!) At this point, I am about 2 months from graduation. I've been pushing through this grad program fairly diligently, but I am running out of steam. That's when verse two comes in. My help comes from the Lord. I don't want to write papers and finish case notes. I don't want to cook dinner for my husband or clean up my house, but I can and will because my help comes from the Lord. 

I don't have to be in crisis to receive His help. I simply have to look to Him. It's easy to forget that God cares about my daily naggings just as much as the dramatic, life-altering events that may happen. He simply wants to be in relationship with me, no matter the situation. He wants to help me through the mundane stressors of life (i.e., laundry). What a comfort!

Thanks, God, for Your help.

Psalm 103:8-12

 

Psalm 103:8-12 - "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love^. He will not always accuse nor will he harbor his anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Where do I even begin here? My heart is still overflowing from last week's post. It's a struggle, but I am still working on actively choosing to have an attitude of thankfulness, joy, and worship. So far, it has drastically changed my outlook on work. I'm not anxious about coming in; I already know my battle has been won for me. (Thanks, God!)

Psalm 103 starts out beautifully for me. Bless the Lord, oh my soul! My prayer is to always be in such a state that my inner most being blesses my heavenly Father. And, this chapter dives deep into all the reasons I should be, just in case I've forgotten. (Thanks, David.)

Verses 8-10 specifically remind me of His goodness. They serve as a model of how I should be at work. In the same way God is compassionate and gracious towards me, I should imitate that in the counseling office. No matter how many times I am stood up by a client, I should be slow to anger and abounding in love for these hurting people. He does not treat me the way I deserve, nor should I treat my clients how they sometimes deserve. My calling is to be an example of Jesus' love for us to those who may never see it anywhere else. I can do that by following God's perfect example. 

As I'm writing this, my marriage keeps coming to mind. Although my work is important to me, my husband is even more important to me. I frequently fall short of showing him just how much I love him. I am not always gracious or slow to anger. I struggle with harboring my anger, but I can at least say I don't harbor it forever... so that's a step in the right direction! I don't treat him how he deserves (and, if we're being honest, there are days when I treat him much worse). However, he gives me grace and a multitude of chances to try again. I am so thankful for a husband who emulates the love of God towards me. He serves not only as a model, but a wonderful leader and role model for me. My goal for our marriage is to treat him with the grace He deserves, the grace God gives me in Psalm 103. I want our marriage to bless the Lord. 

Thank you, God, for Your grace and love. (And, for my amazing husband!) 

Psalm 100:4-5

Psalm 100:4-5 - "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His name. For The Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever and His faithfulness to all generations."

I just wanted to take the time to thank God this morning. I know I end every post with a sentence of gratitude, but I don't take nearly enough time to thank Him for all that He's done for me. Last week started off pretty rough for me. I knew the easiest way to get out of my funk was to begin focusing more on God and what He has planned for me. I quickly decided to not be bogged down for X amount of days for the crummy things going on, but to begin thanking God for the goodness that surrounds me. So, in attempts to stay in the state of thankfulness I've chosen, I will provide you with a hearty list of things I'm most thankful for right now.

• In the midst of my bad day, a client brought me a balloon animal he made. It reminded me that I am doing good work with my clients, that I am a competent counselor, and I am making a positive impact on someone's life.
• My dad texted me this: "I'm thankful for you." That's never happened before. Ever.
• Saturday morning started off very early - 5:30am. (I'm definitely NOT thankful for that.) However, I got to go to work with some really cool people. I got to promote myself as a counselor in two different settings. I spent the day building my confidence in my ability to achieve my dream.
• AND, after work, I got to play at the dog park with my husband and my pup. We didn't plan it, we just went. Gandalf chasing balls is THE CUTEST thing. His little legs and corgi butt could entertain me for hours. Not to mention, that face when he gets the ball and brings it all the way back!
  When he got tired, my love and I decided to play on the puppy obstacles and race each other completing our course. Yeah, we may have looked silly, but I wouldn't trade a second of that laughter or sweat. 
• Sunday, I got a spontaneous visit from my mom and stepdad. Even better, I opened the door to greet my mom and instead I was greeted by not only Mom and Ken, but my brother and my three nephews! They wrecked my house in the few hours they were there, but nothing warms my heart more than those three little boys and their bear hugs!! 
• Yesterday (10/12), marked a whole year and a half that I've been married to the man of my dreams! We've had some rough spots, but doing life with him every day is the most exciting life I could've imagined. I love our Netflix marathons (currently cruising through The Office!), laying in bed at night practicing our Chewbacca call, and all of our dance sessions after hard days. My husband pursues me with such a passion day in and day out and makes it look effortless. He is my Prince Charming and I'm so looking forward to an infinite number of anniversaries to come! 
• We celebrated our 1.5 with a box of Strawberry and Cream Cheese Toaster Strudels. YUM!
• Today, I'm thankful (in advance) for a light work load. I get off at 3:30, which means, for the second time all semester, I do not have to fight to get to class during rush hour. I get to cruise through rush hour.

There's much more to be thankful for, but I don't want to exhaust the list. I am blessed. I choose today to give thanks to my God who has continually done so. I choose to praise Him and his faithfulness to my family.

Thank you, God, for your enduring love even through life's attempt to bring me down. 

Psalm 92:1

Psalm 92:1 - "It is good to praise the Lord and make music to Your name, O Most High."

One of my favorite ways to get into God's presence is to play some gooooood music. It is one of the quickest ways to change my mood, no matter my mood. 

When I'm frustrated with work, I do my best to take a quick break and go for a run with worship music blasting. It's so freeing to just run with my arms wide open as I cry out to God. It's like running into the arms of my most perfect Father. I'm thankful for the time I get to spend with Him. (I'm also thankful Planet Fitness hasn't hit the lunk alarm for my flamboyant treadmill routine.)

When I'm hurting, I almost always turn towards a song. There's a song for just about every sadness I feel. 

When I'm late for church, worship brings me back to why I go to church. It reminds me how fragile I am on my own, how willing God is to meet me in my funk, and how imperative it is I stay in a constant contact with Him. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, some of my best memories with my dad or growing up in church are the hymns we sang every single Sunday. My dad likes to sing "It Is Well" at the top of his lungs, both the main part and the echo. It's hilarious, but over time, the words have planted themselves on my heart and I remember them in times of need. Growing up, every just about Sunday service I can remember ended with "Victory In Jesus." It was my favorite part of the service, not because it was the end, but everyone looked so happy - like they truly believed there was victory in Jesus in every situation. (Although, looking back... it could be because service was over. Let's stay naive.)

And, when I am joyful, I turn to music. There are just some songs that bring me to a place of reverence towards God for all the blessings He has given me. He so graciously continues to bless me, even in my wanderings. I'm thankful that so many talented people have been able to write songs that say exactly what I wish I could. 

Music is my way of telling God how I feel when I don't have the words. It is a timeless tool to connect with God on a deeper level than words alone. I am thankful for music, its power, and all those who are able to produce it and share it with me. 

It is good to praise the Lord. 

Thank you, God, for music.

Psalm 61:2

 

Psalm 61:2 - "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." 

Today was a rough day due to a mixture of too many feelings, too many deadlines, too many snide comments, etc etc. By 11am, I was ready to give up and call off for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I've already missed two Mondays of work in a row (Thank you stomach virus and Vegas...) so that wasn't really an option. I had to push through. But how?

My first thought was to drown myself in homework. I've been putting off a paper for a few days now knowing it was going to be a particularly straining one to write. That probably lasted for about ten minutes before I found myself crying over the syllabus.

The next (most obvious) choice was to cuddle with my pup, Gandalf. He always usually seems to make things better. Not today. Last night he ate my dinner I left on the floor after biting my tongue so hard blood was spewing everywhere. Ok, maybe it wasn't spewing, but it was an awful lot of blood! So, today, as I tried to snuggle with him, he proceeded to head butt me... which led to me biting my tongue. Again. Cue the second round of tears.

My next option was to hit the gym. I should've known this wouldn't work considering I often fake sick to get out of going, (DON'T TELL MY HUSBAND!) but I tried it anyway. As I started my treadmill, I heard a voice.
"Why not try coming to me?" -Well, God, I totally would, but I'm trying out a run first. I need quiet and focus if You don't mind.
"Focus on me." -Ok, well, I would, but I can't afford to cry while I run today. It gets really hard to breathe and I need to make it 30 minutes for my 10K training.
"Just talk. Breathe me in. Run to me." 

I gave into God. I turned my Game of Thrones Pandora station as high as it could go, turned my speed up to a whopping 5.1 mph, and began running towards God. I laid all the junk weighing on my heart at His feet. I called to Him and He answered. Nothing was immediately solved, but my focus was shifted towards The One higher than me. He gave me a peace that I could make it through one more day. He gave me the discernment to not send that sassy response email. He gave me the energy and the breath to run further than I expected to.

For one of the first times, I'm glad I went to the gym. Not because I had a great workout, but because it caused me to emotionally slow down. It lead me to The Rock. Can you smell what I'm cookin' here?
Let me break it down: On my own, I'm a weepy mess. I am easily overwhelmed and very unproductive. With God, I am a strong, confident, capable woman. My prayer is to be continually pointed to The One higher than myself - even if it means repeated trips to the gym. He carries me through the tough days.

Thanks, God, for meeting me where I am with gracious, wide open arms.

Psalm 46:5

Psalm 46:5 - "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day." 

  

Being a counselor, I'm all about "embracing the feels." So, I'm just gonna let that verse soak in for a minute. God is with ME. I will NOT fall. God will help ME. Not only will He help me today, but when I wake up tomorrow, He will be there again. (*insert goosebumps and praise hands emoji*)

Throughout Psalm 46, I am reminded of who God is. God is: my refuge, my strength, ever-present, and helpful. It's so easy to forget those things when my world seems to be crashing down - whether it be because I don't want to work out or because my clients were more difficult than expected. I tend to get caught up in my own abilities and solutions, often causing more destruction than construction. That's when God steps in. He comes along side me and gently reminds me to lean on Him, for He is strength. He reminds me that even in the most uncomfortable sessions with clients, He is present and working. He helps me push through my first/last quarter mile of my workout (and brings me back the next day to do it again). He is so much more than I could ever be.
But, take heart! Even being so mighty and wonderful, He chooses me. He chooses to be with me each and every morning and guide my steps. 

It's only by the grace of God that I have made it this far in life. I am currently pursuing what I consider to be my dream job (after of course being a professional backup dancer) and I know it's because He has been, and will always be, with me through it all. Through every "fall" I feel like I've had, He has picked me back up and pushed me forward. Through it all, He has helped me each day to continue to do His will. 
Although I love the spotlight, today, I must step aside and give God all the glory for where I am, what I get to do every day, and where He is leading me. Without him, I am nothing. 

Thanks, God, for being with me and not allowing me to fall. You rock! 

Psalm 42:1-2

Psalm 42: 1-2 "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

Recently, I took a trip to Vegas. With all the walking and talking (and drinking) in the midst of desert heat, I was often very thirsty for water. We'd sit down to eat and the waiter would bring us out these minuscule glasses, mostly filled with ice and a splash of water. Before they were done passing the glasses out, mine would be empty.

In reading Psalm 42, I think back to how thirsty I physically was in Vegas. I was so thirsty it was impossible to ignore. With that being said, how often do I ignore my spiritual thirst? I can guarantee that my spirit is thirsty. How do I know? Well, I've had to miss my small group for almost a month due to a busy, ever changing schedule. I've been out of town and unable to attend my home church Sunday mornings. My Bible study ended and I have yet to make time to start a new one. My Bible is often only opened to do homework, which I've been trying to convince myself doubles as a quiet time. (It doesn't.) I know my spirit is thirsty, but I would rather keep moving through life without taking the time to slow down and refuel. 

I guess my question here is this: How do I get to the point where I do thirst for God so desperately that I have no other option but to stop and take drink?

• Stop making excuses. Obviously. (Much easier said than done.) 
• Purposely schedule time for God. Maybe it will seem unauthentic at first, but if the consistency is there, something has to stick. Things will become more natural over time. (I think?)
• Find someone to hold me accountable. Which also means I hold someone else accountable. We build each other up, grow together. Christianity is about fellowship, so why not embrace being spiritually fed with another in the same fashion I would embrace going to dinner with my friend?

My goal is begin to focus more intentionally on my spiritual thirst. I do desire to know and love God as passionately as this verse portrays. It's time for action. It's time to quench that panting thirst!

Thanks, God, for being faithful even when I am not.

Pslam 3:3

Psalm 3:3 - "But you, Lord, are a shield around me; my glory, the One who lifts my head high."

  

Sometimes, work is a lot more than I can handle (and I'm not just talking about my clients). Working at two places, with two bosses, two sets of procedures, two email accounts, two this, two that... It just gets overwhelming. I forget to do things a particular way and I feel attacked by coworkers. Or, my schedule isn't as flexible as some want it to be and I begin to feel like I should find more ways to stretch myself thinner. (Who really cares if I'm gaining weak spots? Just get the work done, ok?)

There's hope. And I find it in Psalm 3:3.  The Lord is my shield. He will protect me as long as I keep my eyes and intentions focused on him. Verse 4 continues on to say I called out to Him and He answered! WOW. I'm just going to sit there for a second. The creator of the universe answers me when I call out to him. Even with so many other tragic things are going on in the world, He stops for me. He cares for me. He's willing to be a shield for me. He takes the heat of the flames, the blunt of the blows. AND, (yeah, it gets better!) He does it willingly.

I love David's frankness in Psalm 3. By verse 7, he gets real. "Arise, Lord! Deliver me, my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked." Maybe he doesn't actually mean to do all that, but sometimes, it just feels good to tell God how you really feel. I can definitely say that I have had a few prayers like that. Even so, my God is willing to listen with a merciful heart to those stressing me as well as be my shield when they attack. What a super cool God!

My goal as I focus on this chapter is this: He is my shield. He will fight for me. I must simply stay focused on Him. (And, probably keep my mouth shut more often...)

Thank you, God, for being my shield and lifting me up.

 

Psalm 1:3

Psalm 1:3 - "That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither - whatever they do prospers." 

This chapter brings me hope. It's hard to know whether I'm in the right place sometimes or not. Clients are so flaky - one day they're so thankful for me and the next, I've ruined their life. It's difficult to stay focused on God's plan, on God's rewards for me, when the world has such different standards of success. 

Reading verse 3 comforts me. I have planted myself where the Living Water wants me. Although I may feel like I am in a desert, my roots are deep and He is more than faithful to keep me healthy. I will bear fruit, whether I see it or not. WHATEVER I DO WILL PROSPER because I have decided to stand firm, stay near the water, and trust in His will over my own. 

Verse 6 is pretty great, too! It says, "For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous..." Again, what comfort that brings! He is watching over me. He will not lead me into a place that He cannot protect me. Though my heart be weary, He is still in control. 

Becoming a counselor has proved to be a much more difficult path than I expected it to be. Despite saying that, I know it is where I need to be. I know God has planted me in this field and I look forward to seeing the fruits of my labor prosper.

Thank you in advanced, God, for the wonderful work you are doing in my life!