Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it." 

This is my ultimate favorite verse!
Warning: this post might be a little wordy and sobby, but I'll do my best to contain myself. 

I found this verse for the first time during my break up. I'll say this, I brought this growing pain upon myself. I initiated the break up knowing the relationship was heading in a direction I wasn't happy with. The break up was very hard and once it happened, I was completely lost - spiritually, mentally, emotionally. For six and a half years, my life was based on spending my future with someone and becoming who they wanted me to be. I lost sight of why I was going to school, what my dreams were, and who I was as a person - apart from so-and-so's girlfriend. Once that person was ripped away, it felt like half of who I was was also torn apart.

Things got pretty bad for me. I didn't go to class for half of my semester. Ultimately, I was kicked out of the honor's college and I wasn't the only one to hit rock bottom - my GPA did too. I neglected seeing any of my friends and I became this depressed recluse of a person. Most days, it was a struggle to even shower, but I did not neglect to literally cry out to God for the pain I was experiencing. 

I sought all sorts of answers from Him - Was this the right choice? (Yes.) Why does it hurt so much? (Growing hurts.) What do I do now? (Seek His face.) How do I put myself back together? (With His help.) Would anyone ever love me unconditionally? (He does.) Did I even deserve to have that kind of love? (Yes. A thousand times, yes!)

This is where Proverbs 4:23 came swooping in to save the day.
If I had guarded my heart in the first place, I wouldn't have lost my identity just because I lost my boyfriend. Now that I am actively doing so, I know who I am. I am a child of God; a strong, opinionated woman; someone with ambition and drive to accomplish great things.
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized I am worth more than what some boy thinks of me. I am worth more than nasty rumors from nasty so-called friends. When I started doing so, I was able to go to class and bring my grades back up. God began teaching me what a friend was, which was more than someone who wanted my latest relationship gossip. I was able to begin to confidently blossom into who I am now. (You're welcome, world.)
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized sooner that breaking up with that boy was my first step towards actively seeking God's will and actually guarding my heart. 

Now, I constantly remind myself of this verse. I question my intentions often. Am I doing this for me? For someone else? Or, am I doing this for God? If the answer is anything other than for God, I am neglecting to guard my heart. I am letting my flesh lead the way, which ultimately ends in disaster (see beginning of post when I lost my identity). This verse allows me to love deeply, speak boldly, and grow intentionally.

Thanks, God, for helping me find my identity in you rather than the fleeting affections of others.