Proverbs 16:24

Proverbs 16:23 - "Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." 

Compliments are always wonderful. They're even sweeter when they're unexpected or come at a time when I'm feeling especially downtrodden.

Lately, I've been feeling exhausted. Blame it on the middle of the semester blues, blame it on a busy work schedule, blame it on a looming graduation, whatever. I'm struggling to get through the week by Wednesday and often the weekend isn't nearly long enough to recharge me. But, you know what helps me push through? People telling me they've noticed I'm working hard. People mentioning I my outfit is killer or my jokes are hilarious. (Mostly because they often are!) I don't need grand gestures, I just need encouragement.

Crazy coincidence: As I was reading this morning, a sheriff came into my office. He was talking to my boss and casually mentioned how great he thought her business was and how important her job was to the hurting people in our community. She also thanked him for his service and let him know he was appreciated by us as well. After he left, she simply said, "I really needed that today." I don't know what's going on in her life. Here's what I do know. I missed the opportunity to be that encouragement to my boss because I was so wrapped up in my own worries. I was longing for someone to give me kind words, that I completely overlooked giving someone else some honey. Shame.

It feels like our culture has become so self-centered and self-serving that we have forgotten that other people are hurting. Others are struggling. In the same way we long for a compliment, others do too. It's so easy to make someone's day:

• Flash a smile.
• Say thank you.
• Tell someone you appreciate their hard work.
• Compliment someone's hair or clothes or bag (or whatever you notice but often forget to mention).
• Pay for someone's coffee in line behind you.
• Say I love you.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Give a wave when someone lets you in their lane during rush hour.
• ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

Even the smallest gestures can warm a heart and heal the soul.

My goal is to keep this verse at the forefront of my mind and stop being so selfish with my compliments. I'm not the only one who has bad days; we're all in this together.

Thanks, God, for kind words and a open hearts to receive them.

Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 13:24 - "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." (NIV)

I feel like I need to preface this blog with a few things: 

1.  On our wedding day, my husband gave me a new Bible (with my new name on the front!). Throughout the Bible, there were pictures of us with cute stories. He also went through and highlighted quite a few verses and added notes in the margin. As I was reading through Proverbs this morning, this was one of the verses he highlighted. His note said, "Future notes. Not now!" I thought it was pretty precious. 
2.  This is by no means a parenting blog about raising the kids I don't have.

When I was growing up, my mom definitely took the time to discipline me. Most of the time, she only had to give me the look and I'd crumble, but there were times when a spanking was necessary. My brother... well, a spanking was probably always necessary. And, thanks to the both of us constantly reeking havoc, Mom's disciplinary sidekick was a 3ft long paint stick from Home Depot that said "I need thee every hour." (Good one, Mom!) 

Mom never spanked us in malice, which is why I believe her method of discipline worked for me. It was always clear that I had done something wrong and deserved said consequence. Luckily, I'm a pretty quick learner, which translates into me not having to be spanked for the same thing more than once. (Usually.) I learned that "every action has a reaction" held true in more situations than what science class presented. 
I learned that if I chose to do something, I also chose to handle the consequences when they came. 
I learned to take responsibility for myself and my choices. At the time, disciplined sucked, but in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed to become a healthy, functional adult today. (Thanks, Mom.)

I don't want kids now for a number of reasons. (The main one being that I'm selfish and I'm not ready to share my husband! Sorry, not sorry.) However, when the time is right for us, I'm proud to know my husband has already chosen to lead our family in God's will. I'm excited to raise our precious kids in a household that follows the Bible and will appropriately discipline when needed. I'm excited to teach them how to live, laugh, love, and most importantly take responsibility for themselves. It'll be one of the most rewarding times of my life. Eventually. 

Until then, I'll be thankful I was raised with discipline and tons of love.

Thanks, God, for a mom who never lost sight of you when raising two crazy kids. And, thanks in advance for helping me do the same.

 

Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it." 

This is my ultimate favorite verse!
Warning: this post might be a little wordy and sobby, but I'll do my best to contain myself. 

I found this verse for the first time during my break up. I'll say this, I brought this growing pain upon myself. I initiated the break up knowing the relationship was heading in a direction I wasn't happy with. The break up was very hard and once it happened, I was completely lost - spiritually, mentally, emotionally. For six and a half years, my life was based on spending my future with someone and becoming who they wanted me to be. I lost sight of why I was going to school, what my dreams were, and who I was as a person - apart from so-and-so's girlfriend. Once that person was ripped away, it felt like half of who I was was also torn apart.

Things got pretty bad for me. I didn't go to class for half of my semester. Ultimately, I was kicked out of the honor's college and I wasn't the only one to hit rock bottom - my GPA did too. I neglected seeing any of my friends and I became this depressed recluse of a person. Most days, it was a struggle to even shower, but I did not neglect to literally cry out to God for the pain I was experiencing. 

I sought all sorts of answers from Him - Was this the right choice? (Yes.) Why does it hurt so much? (Growing hurts.) What do I do now? (Seek His face.) How do I put myself back together? (With His help.) Would anyone ever love me unconditionally? (He does.) Did I even deserve to have that kind of love? (Yes. A thousand times, yes!)

This is where Proverbs 4:23 came swooping in to save the day.
If I had guarded my heart in the first place, I wouldn't have lost my identity just because I lost my boyfriend. Now that I am actively doing so, I know who I am. I am a child of God; a strong, opinionated woman; someone with ambition and drive to accomplish great things.
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized I am worth more than what some boy thinks of me. I am worth more than nasty rumors from nasty so-called friends. When I started doing so, I was able to go to class and bring my grades back up. God began teaching me what a friend was, which was more than someone who wanted my latest relationship gossip. I was able to begin to confidently blossom into who I am now. (You're welcome, world.)
If I had guarded my heart, I would have realized sooner that breaking up with that boy was my first step towards actively seeking God's will and actually guarding my heart. 

Now, I constantly remind myself of this verse. I question my intentions often. Am I doing this for me? For someone else? Or, am I doing this for God? If the answer is anything other than for God, I am neglecting to guard my heart. I am letting my flesh lead the way, which ultimately ends in disaster (see beginning of post when I lost my identity). This verse allows me to love deeply, speak boldly, and grow intentionally.

Thanks, God, for helping me find my identity in you rather than the fleeting affections of others.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." 

This passage has always been close to my heart. I remember my mom repeating this to me throughout my school-age years. We even had it printed over a few of my senior pictures. What a necessary accessory to my trendy lavender sweater, pearls, and Sperry's, am I right? (Could I BE anymore marriage material??)

The thing is, that verse it more than just an perfect addition to an already fabulous picture. It has been a guiding light throughout my life. 

In high school, it lead me towards picking a college that was for me, rather than following a boy somewhere I didn't want to be. 

In college, it lead me to accepting an invitation to the BSM one Thursday night (Thanks, Matt). That eventually led me to meeting some of the most wonderful friends I could've ever asked for! They filled my time at Texas State with so much joy, so many adventures, and the most precious memories. The people I met there continue to fill my life with the love of God despite most of us being in many different cities.

Also, in college, trusting in the Lord lead me to my husband. If I had followed my own understandings, I would still be trapped in "he-who-must-not-be-named's" snare. Thankfully, God's ways are higher than mine and both myself and "you-know-who" are happily married to the one God had planned for us to be. (Thanks, God, for directing THAT path!) 

After college, it lead me towards the right grad school. It kept me from being too discouraged to try again after an awful interview at one school. With the right guidance, I ended up at HGST and, once again, met some of the best friends! The staff and student body are like a family. We care for each other, celebrate with each other, and carry each other through the rough patches of each semester. My grad school experience has been phenomenal. I've learned so much about my career and myself. I feel fully prepared to take on the world after graduation. At least, today I do... but that could be because I don't have any clients today AND it's technically my Friday.

Now, this verse is a key factor in what I do next. I don't know where I'm supposed to be. Where do I work? Do I stay where I'm at? Where will I get paid the most? None of that matters if I lose focus of what God wants from me. I choose to lean on Him once again as I transition into another chapter of life. He's done pretty well directing my path so far, so why try to take the reigns now? I know He has great things planned.

Thanks, God, for guiding me through life.

Psalm 121:1-2

Psalm 121: 1-2 - "I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

I feel like when this particular psalm was written, the author intended it for something much more intense than just being tired or burnt out. The really cool thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Maybe the author of this chapter was going through something intense and literally needed to look up to the mountains in need of God. But me, I'm just juggling work, school, my marriage, my pup, and my social life.
 

So, guess how I'm feeling today? Yes, very tired and very burnt out. Monday and Tuesday are physically draining. I would go into all the reasons why, but I'd rather not focus the negativity today. (Look at that, I'm choosing joy once again! Thanks, past blog posts, for teaching me something!) At this point, I am about 2 months from graduation. I've been pushing through this grad program fairly diligently, but I am running out of steam. That's when verse two comes in. My help comes from the Lord. I don't want to write papers and finish case notes. I don't want to cook dinner for my husband or clean up my house, but I can and will because my help comes from the Lord. 

I don't have to be in crisis to receive His help. I simply have to look to Him. It's easy to forget that God cares about my daily naggings just as much as the dramatic, life-altering events that may happen. He simply wants to be in relationship with me, no matter the situation. He wants to help me through the mundane stressors of life (i.e., laundry). What a comfort!

Thanks, God, for Your help.

Psalm 103:8-12

 

Psalm 103:8-12 - "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love^. He will not always accuse nor will he harbor his anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Where do I even begin here? My heart is still overflowing from last week's post. It's a struggle, but I am still working on actively choosing to have an attitude of thankfulness, joy, and worship. So far, it has drastically changed my outlook on work. I'm not anxious about coming in; I already know my battle has been won for me. (Thanks, God!)

Psalm 103 starts out beautifully for me. Bless the Lord, oh my soul! My prayer is to always be in such a state that my inner most being blesses my heavenly Father. And, this chapter dives deep into all the reasons I should be, just in case I've forgotten. (Thanks, David.)

Verses 8-10 specifically remind me of His goodness. They serve as a model of how I should be at work. In the same way God is compassionate and gracious towards me, I should imitate that in the counseling office. No matter how many times I am stood up by a client, I should be slow to anger and abounding in love for these hurting people. He does not treat me the way I deserve, nor should I treat my clients how they sometimes deserve. My calling is to be an example of Jesus' love for us to those who may never see it anywhere else. I can do that by following God's perfect example. 

As I'm writing this, my marriage keeps coming to mind. Although my work is important to me, my husband is even more important to me. I frequently fall short of showing him just how much I love him. I am not always gracious or slow to anger. I struggle with harboring my anger, but I can at least say I don't harbor it forever... so that's a step in the right direction! I don't treat him how he deserves (and, if we're being honest, there are days when I treat him much worse). However, he gives me grace and a multitude of chances to try again. I am so thankful for a husband who emulates the love of God towards me. He serves not only as a model, but a wonderful leader and role model for me. My goal for our marriage is to treat him with the grace He deserves, the grace God gives me in Psalm 103. I want our marriage to bless the Lord. 

Thank you, God, for Your grace and love. (And, for my amazing husband!) 

Psalm 100:4-5

Psalm 100:4-5 - "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His name. For The Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever and His faithfulness to all generations."

I just wanted to take the time to thank God this morning. I know I end every post with a sentence of gratitude, but I don't take nearly enough time to thank Him for all that He's done for me. Last week started off pretty rough for me. I knew the easiest way to get out of my funk was to begin focusing more on God and what He has planned for me. I quickly decided to not be bogged down for X amount of days for the crummy things going on, but to begin thanking God for the goodness that surrounds me. So, in attempts to stay in the state of thankfulness I've chosen, I will provide you with a hearty list of things I'm most thankful for right now.

• In the midst of my bad day, a client brought me a balloon animal he made. It reminded me that I am doing good work with my clients, that I am a competent counselor, and I am making a positive impact on someone's life.
• My dad texted me this: "I'm thankful for you." That's never happened before. Ever.
• Saturday morning started off very early - 5:30am. (I'm definitely NOT thankful for that.) However, I got to go to work with some really cool people. I got to promote myself as a counselor in two different settings. I spent the day building my confidence in my ability to achieve my dream.
• AND, after work, I got to play at the dog park with my husband and my pup. We didn't plan it, we just went. Gandalf chasing balls is THE CUTEST thing. His little legs and corgi butt could entertain me for hours. Not to mention, that face when he gets the ball and brings it all the way back!
  When he got tired, my love and I decided to play on the puppy obstacles and race each other completing our course. Yeah, we may have looked silly, but I wouldn't trade a second of that laughter or sweat. 
• Sunday, I got a spontaneous visit from my mom and stepdad. Even better, I opened the door to greet my mom and instead I was greeted by not only Mom and Ken, but my brother and my three nephews! They wrecked my house in the few hours they were there, but nothing warms my heart more than those three little boys and their bear hugs!! 
• Yesterday (10/12), marked a whole year and a half that I've been married to the man of my dreams! We've had some rough spots, but doing life with him every day is the most exciting life I could've imagined. I love our Netflix marathons (currently cruising through The Office!), laying in bed at night practicing our Chewbacca call, and all of our dance sessions after hard days. My husband pursues me with such a passion day in and day out and makes it look effortless. He is my Prince Charming and I'm so looking forward to an infinite number of anniversaries to come! 
• We celebrated our 1.5 with a box of Strawberry and Cream Cheese Toaster Strudels. YUM!
• Today, I'm thankful (in advance) for a light work load. I get off at 3:30, which means, for the second time all semester, I do not have to fight to get to class during rush hour. I get to cruise through rush hour.

There's much more to be thankful for, but I don't want to exhaust the list. I am blessed. I choose today to give thanks to my God who has continually done so. I choose to praise Him and his faithfulness to my family.

Thank you, God, for your enduring love even through life's attempt to bring me down. 

Psalm 92:1

Psalm 92:1 - "It is good to praise the Lord and make music to Your name, O Most High."

One of my favorite ways to get into God's presence is to play some gooooood music. It is one of the quickest ways to change my mood, no matter my mood. 

When I'm frustrated with work, I do my best to take a quick break and go for a run with worship music blasting. It's so freeing to just run with my arms wide open as I cry out to God. It's like running into the arms of my most perfect Father. I'm thankful for the time I get to spend with Him. (I'm also thankful Planet Fitness hasn't hit the lunk alarm for my flamboyant treadmill routine.)

When I'm hurting, I almost always turn towards a song. There's a song for just about every sadness I feel. 

When I'm late for church, worship brings me back to why I go to church. It reminds me how fragile I am on my own, how willing God is to meet me in my funk, and how imperative it is I stay in a constant contact with Him. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, some of my best memories with my dad or growing up in church are the hymns we sang every single Sunday. My dad likes to sing "It Is Well" at the top of his lungs, both the main part and the echo. It's hilarious, but over time, the words have planted themselves on my heart and I remember them in times of need. Growing up, every just about Sunday service I can remember ended with "Victory In Jesus." It was my favorite part of the service, not because it was the end, but everyone looked so happy - like they truly believed there was victory in Jesus in every situation. (Although, looking back... it could be because service was over. Let's stay naive.)

And, when I am joyful, I turn to music. There are just some songs that bring me to a place of reverence towards God for all the blessings He has given me. He so graciously continues to bless me, even in my wanderings. I'm thankful that so many talented people have been able to write songs that say exactly what I wish I could. 

Music is my way of telling God how I feel when I don't have the words. It is a timeless tool to connect with God on a deeper level than words alone. I am thankful for music, its power, and all those who are able to produce it and share it with me. 

It is good to praise the Lord. 

Thank you, God, for music.

Psalm 61:2

 

Psalm 61:2 - "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." 

Today was a rough day due to a mixture of too many feelings, too many deadlines, too many snide comments, etc etc. By 11am, I was ready to give up and call off for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I've already missed two Mondays of work in a row (Thank you stomach virus and Vegas...) so that wasn't really an option. I had to push through. But how?

My first thought was to drown myself in homework. I've been putting off a paper for a few days now knowing it was going to be a particularly straining one to write. That probably lasted for about ten minutes before I found myself crying over the syllabus.

The next (most obvious) choice was to cuddle with my pup, Gandalf. He always usually seems to make things better. Not today. Last night he ate my dinner I left on the floor after biting my tongue so hard blood was spewing everywhere. Ok, maybe it wasn't spewing, but it was an awful lot of blood! So, today, as I tried to snuggle with him, he proceeded to head butt me... which led to me biting my tongue. Again. Cue the second round of tears.

My next option was to hit the gym. I should've known this wouldn't work considering I often fake sick to get out of going, (DON'T TELL MY HUSBAND!) but I tried it anyway. As I started my treadmill, I heard a voice.
"Why not try coming to me?" -Well, God, I totally would, but I'm trying out a run first. I need quiet and focus if You don't mind.
"Focus on me." -Ok, well, I would, but I can't afford to cry while I run today. It gets really hard to breathe and I need to make it 30 minutes for my 10K training.
"Just talk. Breathe me in. Run to me." 

I gave into God. I turned my Game of Thrones Pandora station as high as it could go, turned my speed up to a whopping 5.1 mph, and began running towards God. I laid all the junk weighing on my heart at His feet. I called to Him and He answered. Nothing was immediately solved, but my focus was shifted towards The One higher than me. He gave me a peace that I could make it through one more day. He gave me the discernment to not send that sassy response email. He gave me the energy and the breath to run further than I expected to.

For one of the first times, I'm glad I went to the gym. Not because I had a great workout, but because it caused me to emotionally slow down. It lead me to The Rock. Can you smell what I'm cookin' here?
Let me break it down: On my own, I'm a weepy mess. I am easily overwhelmed and very unproductive. With God, I am a strong, confident, capable woman. My prayer is to be continually pointed to The One higher than myself - even if it means repeated trips to the gym. He carries me through the tough days.

Thanks, God, for meeting me where I am with gracious, wide open arms.

Psalm 46:5

Psalm 46:5 - "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day." 

  

Being a counselor, I'm all about "embracing the feels." So, I'm just gonna let that verse soak in for a minute. God is with ME. I will NOT fall. God will help ME. Not only will He help me today, but when I wake up tomorrow, He will be there again. (*insert goosebumps and praise hands emoji*)

Throughout Psalm 46, I am reminded of who God is. God is: my refuge, my strength, ever-present, and helpful. It's so easy to forget those things when my world seems to be crashing down - whether it be because I don't want to work out or because my clients were more difficult than expected. I tend to get caught up in my own abilities and solutions, often causing more destruction than construction. That's when God steps in. He comes along side me and gently reminds me to lean on Him, for He is strength. He reminds me that even in the most uncomfortable sessions with clients, He is present and working. He helps me push through my first/last quarter mile of my workout (and brings me back the next day to do it again). He is so much more than I could ever be.
But, take heart! Even being so mighty and wonderful, He chooses me. He chooses to be with me each and every morning and guide my steps. 

It's only by the grace of God that I have made it this far in life. I am currently pursuing what I consider to be my dream job (after of course being a professional backup dancer) and I know it's because He has been, and will always be, with me through it all. Through every "fall" I feel like I've had, He has picked me back up and pushed me forward. Through it all, He has helped me each day to continue to do His will. 
Although I love the spotlight, today, I must step aside and give God all the glory for where I am, what I get to do every day, and where He is leading me. Without him, I am nothing. 

Thanks, God, for being with me and not allowing me to fall. You rock!